Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go perfectly with your children? They wake up sweetly, snuggle with you just enough, eat every last morsel of every meal you prepare and ask for more, play quietly and get along, tell you how much they love you, take baths and brush their teeth without complaint, and go to bed without so much as a whine, squeezing your neck so tightly you can get drunk on the smell of their just-washed heads. Life is good, and your success as a mother is confirmed.
Today was not one of those days.
Today was what I like to call: a "Bad Mom" day.
Okay, so it started out fine. Both the girls woke up in a decent mood, but it went downhill from there. Lil Sis set the tone by throwing most of her breakfast on the floor, Big Sis decided that whatever toy she was playing with was never better than that which was in her sister's hands (and proceeded to pitch a fit and scream about it before she ripped it out of Lil Sis' hands - followed by more fits and screaming.) The weather was cold and windy outside so we were stuck inside and cabin fever ensued... tranlating to my house was torn apart. Then... I fed them McDonald's for lunch for the second time this week. (I'm so ashamed...) As with breakfast, Lil Sis made sure her nuggets and apples and a ton of ketchup ended up on the floor, then had a meltdown when I wouldn't let her have said spilled ketchup. (So we have a three second rule at home... but no way at McDonald's Have you ever looked under those tables? Ick.)
After the ordeal at the Golden Arches, we headed home where Big Sis decided she didn't need to take a nap and thus repeated that phrase at the top of her lungs until her sister awoke from her slumber in a crying stupor. So much for cleaning the floors and catching up on blogs. I was a little annoyed at this point, and the mother "tone" set in, and to make matters worse... Big Sis can imitate perfectly and it bugs the crap out of me - which is totally why she does it.
Anyhow... dinner led to more food on the floor (sensing a theme here?) from both of the girls - Lil Sis on purpose of course, and Big Sis by an unfortunate miss of the counter. Desperate to clean it up (and pour the wine), I set both girls down to color at the table, letting Lil Sis sit in a "big girl" chair since I pushed it all the way up to the table. Bad idea.
Add closed head injury to the list. Yeah.
While comforting my little one (and checking for skull deformity and equal pupil size), Big Sis felt a little neglected I guess and decided to say over and over "When I was little I hit my head too, right Mom? Mom? When I was little I hit my head too, right Mom? Mom? MOM?! When I was little I hit my head too, right Mom?" At that point, a noise came out of me I don't think I could recreate if I tried, but it was something like this: "Eeuuooooooouuuuuuueeeeeoggghghhhhhh!!!!" Of course her reply was... "I WANT DADDY!!"
Oh. No. She. Dih'nt.
Bad Mom day.
I read enough Mom blogs to know that I am not alone in my lack of perfection as a mother, but I'm not sure if it bugs other people as much as it does me. I am a perfectionist. I am used to being good at things and I can't stand that I have these days when I feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother. I know that this too shall pass, but still. I guess I just hope that in the midst of my making wrong decisions or losing my patience, I'm giving enough praise and squeezes and making enough right choices to shape my daughters into better people. I just hope the good days outnumber the bad and that at the end of the day, they know I love them.
After all the chaos today, my girls lay side-by-side on a pillow palette, watching Thumbelina, drinking their milks, and giggling away. I leaned in and kissed their sweet, clean heads - getting drunk off the smell.
At the end of today - they know I love 'em.